What I didn't know as we pulled out of the home we had created for ourselves in Atlanta was that I would feel emotions that I never have felt before. I would feel extreme anxiety over not knowing the next step, the loneliness of starting at the beginning of friendships, and the common meltdown in the grocery store over trying to find ziploc bags. (Don't worry. I found them thirty minutes later.)
I would love to write to all of you that are following our story that we are doing fantastic and that everything is wonderful here and I still could, but we're all about the truth here at TLTH.
I can say that in the last three months, I have had those really tough prayers with God. I've had the moments of wanting to grab all of our stuff (because most of it is still packed in boxes in storage) and make the drive back to familiarity and family.
But even in the midst of those hard moments, I've had some of my most cherished memories happen. Moments of a pure heart surrendered, the most amazing night skies where I've heard the voice of The Lord more than I ever have, and the little moments that His provisions have come to be. Jesus is constantly reminding me that He has called us to this little corner of the world. These reminders have come in the smallest, yet massive ways recently.
Tyler and I spent Easter weekend in Oklahoma visiting his parents new home.
The few weeks leading up to this past weekend, I could tell I was being spiritual attacked and in turn more specifically questioned if God was still calling me to pursue my dreams. On our way back home to San Antonio, we were planning on taking the route that passed through Waco. Because of circumstances, we added another day to our journey, giving us time to not rush home and take our time. I had mentioned to Tyler that I felt like my soul needed a dream day. I needed a day to sit and rest on what my dreams are and why God had called me to them in the first place. (Two of my dreams are to 1) soon own a home that has a touch of Joanna Gaines design and 2) to get my doctorate degree from Baylor University.) This day, I had strategically planned on making two pit stops in Waco to fuel and ignite those dreams again.
Tyler was so amazing and even though this so called "dream day" I had formed up in my mind would put us home even later, he graciously and encouragingly agreed.
That day, God so specifically spoke into my heart and gave breath to my dreams more than ever before. I learned that God not only wants us to pursue our dreams in His timing, but He delights in the little things that make us happy (like something so small like going to Magnolia Market at the Silos or driving passed Baylor).
So there I stood, in the middle of my Graceland in Waco, TX in tears at how gracious and good our Father is. How perfect He orchestrates things so we can be encouraged and find joy. Plus all the pretty things around me made me realize how much He is in the details of life, just like the tiny little details Joanna has put into her store. Everything in the market was so meticulously placed and for a reason and purpose, just like we have been placed in Texas; for a reason and purpose.
I walked away this weekend with two tangible items to remind me on the hard days of His purpose and how much He delights in me pursuing my dreams.
So three months later: i've rested. I've cried. I've praised. I've cried happy and sad tears in the same breath, and have learned more about the incredible Heavenly Father we serve.
We still have no idea what we are doing and still feel all the emotions, but I can say this: Jesus is faithful. Yesterday, today, forever, He is faithful. And no matter what kind of day it is, a hard one or an easy one, I'll continue to praise Him for moving us here. I will continue in trusting what He has planned is this season of life and will keep stepping in knowing that He is so for us.
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